Abundance of Bliss

Are You Willing to Ask for Help?

I sometimes wonder if all of the folks who run around professing joy, happiness, and positive thinking, all the time are truly brave enough to really be real about being spirit in human form.

The truth is, we are all human BEings. We all have good days and bad days. I suppose there are a few, who walk amongst us who do (for the most part) walk in bliss and joy. However, the majority of folks in the self help circle do have both their ups and downs. They all have their own stuff to deal with.

I also wonder how many of those offering help are willing to reach out and ask for assistance from a friend or peer. And is that friend or peer going to help without passing judgment? What about reaching out to family members? Can any of those resources give support that is free of judgment or personal agendas lurking in the shadows?

After all, the coach, channel, clairvoyant, intuitive, or healer should know how to heal themselves, right? Read More

Red or Green?

The colors Red and Green usually conjure up images of the holiday season. Big green holiday wreaths and even bigger red bows seem to be at every turn. This post is just another reminder that things are not necessarily what they seem.

Here is an interesting tale from a young, college-aged client…

It was just an ordinary Friday night on college campuses across the country. Guys and girls were getting ready to blow off some steam from the week. Frat houses were bustling with activity as they put the final touches in place – setting up multiple kegs of beer; making sure the alcoholic beverage choices are vast enough to satisfy the guests.

This very scenario has played out for generations. It is nothing new. There is, however, a new twist to the weekend escape that so many of our youth participate in. This twist is color coded – and red and green is the uniform of choice.

Why red and green? And are the colors worn together? What is the significance of red and green? Remember the old game that you used to play called ‘Red Light, Green Light’? Well, it is a lot like that.

The lighting is dim, the music pulsing, vibrating the party goers to their bones. The frat house is packed tighter than a can of red and green dressed sardines. Everyone is wearing either red or green. The beat of the music is intoxicating, as are the drinks; which seem to flow endlessly.

Yes, you read it right. Everyone is either wearing red or green. This color coding is to let the other party goers know one’s relationship status. Red for ‘I’m taken’ and yep, you guessed it, green for ‘I’m available’.

Red light, stop; green light, go. Seems like a pretty good idea…or does it? Read More

Happy Holidays!

I love the diversity of family holiday celebrations. Some of you are celebrating Christmas, some have celebrated Hanukah; still others are preparing to celebrate Kwanzaa.

There is so much diversity in how our family traditions are honored that I could not even come close to touching upon each one. Such is the diversity in my community. I truly enjoy taking evening strolls with my loved ones – especially at this time of year. Many homes in my neighborhood are lovingly decorated by the owners, adding to the magic of the season.

Last week I attended my daughter’s holiday choir performance. One of the songs the kids sang was Believe from the movie Polar Express, which is one of my favorite holiday movies. The song Believe, made famous by Josh Groban, really sums up a lot. I found myself tearing up as the children performed with such passion and true knowing that they can be anything they want to be, that it is okay to dream.

So often as kids grow into adults, they tend to put their dreams on hold or even forget about them altogether. We end up just settling.

Thanks to so many of you in my community, I have had one of the best years of my life. I have done so many things that once felt so out of reach – things that felt like dreams are now in my reality. I am grateful for each and every one of you. Thank you for being a part of the Blissful Transformation of the Chaotic Family community.

As the song reminds us – believe in what your heart is saying. Hear the melody that’s playing. Believe in what you feel inside and give your dreams the wings to fly.

So to you my community – my extended family members – remember as the song goes, “You have everything you need, if you just believe”.

May this holiday season and 2010 shower upon you all of life’s blessings of joy, peace and bliss.

Are you trying to do what's expected?

A client of mine recently made the decision together with her spouse to home school their children. Not such a big deal really. After all, she is a grown woman and parents do have the say about how their children are to be educated.

But the voice within her was having a bit of an issue with communicating the decision to her parents. When she and I spoke about the decision, she kept saying, “What on earth are we thinking?”

You see, she hails from a family with a history steeped in the traditional education system. Her mother was a high school English teacher; her father a professor at a very prominent university. Her brother and her sister are teachers. One uncle and one aunt, two cousins – yep you guessed it…all teachers!

So it would stand to reason that her old voices would be jumping up and down yelling at the top of their imaginary lungs in disbelief at the decision to home school!

On top of the long line of teachers in her family, she was once what could be called a real goodie two shoes – a people pleaser. You know, don’t talk back or speak your mind. Don’t question authority; and for goodness sake, don’t rock the boat or buck the system.

She was one of those children who do as they are told, speak only when spoken to, sit quietly and mind their manners. It must be said that she grew up in a loving home; her parents were just old school (pun intended).

So how is it that she would entertain such a thought as to home school her children? Read More

Does someone near you need an angel?

You never know what each day really has in store. You have all your usual stuff planned out – going to the office, shuttling the kids back and forth to school; to their extracurricular activities and sleepovers. It’s during those routines that you can become almost numb to your surroundings, learning how to tune most of them out.

What I have found is that it is in those very surroundings that life’s most precious treasures can be found.

Not too long ago, my daughter and I needed to stop and get gas for the drive home. As we drove along, we were singing a really old song, truly enjoying each other’s company.  I found myself being guided to stop at a gas station that I normally don’t go to. In retrospect, it was as if the car had a mind of its own.

As we pulled into the station, I noticed a car parked at the pump in front of mine. I got out of my car and began to initiate the pumping of the gas. Normally, I’d get back into the car and chat with my daughter while the gas was going into the tank, but something was different on that day. So, I stood outside. My gaze was drawn; you might even say it was fixed on the car in front of mine. I found it impossible to shift my eyes away and look elsewhere.

I noticed that the occupant seemed to be trying to reach someone on his cell phone. I was oddly aware that the call would go unanswered. I watched as a young man put his head onto the steering wheel of his car, letting it rest there for just a while. He tried the telephone call again. It went unanswered. He opened his car door and stood by the gasoline pump. It felt as if he was in a state of despair. I saw him take a deep breath and get back into his car, once again resting his head on his steering wheel. I was transfixed.

My car had long since been filled with gasoline. The pump was buzzing, asking me if I wanted a car wash and a receipt. Yet I could not take my eyes off of the young man sitting in the car in front of me.

It was my daughter’s calling out to me, “Mom, whatcha doing?” that made me glance away – just for a second – I glanced away. I answered my daughter, letting her know that everything was okay, that I was going inside the gas station store for just a quick second.

The clerk was anything but warm and welcoming. Hey, after all, it was a self service gas station. The clerk said, “Yeah, lady, I know the guy in front of you; he’s been here for hours. Just sitting there; not much I can do about it.”

I knew with all of my heart and soul that the young man in front of me was really having a hard time of things. I didn’t really need to observe him to know that about him. I felt it at the core of my soul. He was the reason I had been guided to go to a gas station that I rarely, if ever go to. Read More

Are You Hovering?

While at the dentist, I came across a recent article in Time Magazine titled “The Backlash Against Over Parenting”. As I read through the article, I found myself nodding my head in agreement with many of the points raised by the author, Nancy Gibbs. So as always, when I find something that I feel will benefit my community, I pass it on. Simply take what feels good to you…

In her article, Gibbs states, “The insanity crept up on us slowly; we just wanted what was best for our kids.”

The insanity Gibbs refers to was wholeheartedly embraced by many very well meaning parents – parents to be who started grooming their little ones for success almost from the time they realized they were pregnant.

These parents were dubbed ‘helicopter parents’ because they tend to hover over literally everything their children are involved in.

Helicopter parenting transcends all races, religions and income groups. Parents of all ages as well as income levels hover over their children in this way – and the pattern of hovering can be a difficult one to break.

Helicopter parenting, simply put, is taking being a supportive and protective parent to the extreme. It is important to note that helicopter parenting has been around for quite some time; it is nothing new – but it seems to be more and more at the forefront as each new generation brings new and improved gadgets to assist your child in being the best they can be.

But do those gadgets really help? Do they? Read More

Is this your holiday season expression?

With the holidays upon us, it’s even more important that you take time out for yourself.

Now, I know that voice in your head is saying, “Is she nuts? After all, if I take time out now, who will make sure all of the holiday stuff gets done? Who will do the shopping and the food preparation? Who’s going to clean the house and make sure the family is taken care of?”

I’ve been there too – I know!

But I’d like to remind you that if you are operating in a frazzled, burnt out, emotional state, then that is exactly what your holiday gathering is going to be. It will be less than blissful.

My goal is to help you to become more aware of and in control of the energy that you are projecting in all situations. You have been given the gift of self awareness, and I am here to help you to remember how to utilize all of your emotions to your advantage.

Many parents feel an overwhelming sense of guilt when they take time for themselves – but the real truth is: Taking time for yourself is one of the best things that you can do for you and your children!

What you need to do is to get to the belief that you have which surrounds the guilty feelings, the story behind the story…peeling back the layers of the why or where you were taught to feel guilty, and then begin to shift that – to change that belief, to look at taking time for you from a different perspective.

When you don’t take time for yourself, what are you modeling for your children? Read More

Happy Thanksgiving!

In less than 24 hours, the feast begins!

I have been mulling over my last minute grocery list – double checking to ensure I have all the ingredients necessary for making those special treats for such a special day.

One of the things that my daughter and I love to do on Thanksgiving is allow ourselves the luxury of sleeping in a little bit longer than usual. Don’t get me wrong, we still get up fairly early, but instead of 5:00 AM, we rise closer to 6:00 AM.

One of the first things we do every Thanksgiving morning is share some eggnog and reminisce about the last 11 months. We chat about how we are so grateful for all of the people we hold dear, like our family, our friends old and new – even friends that we have yet to meet.  We giggle about the experiences we’ve had and what we appreciate about them. Even little bumps in the road that we have overcome are celebrated and appreciated during our eggnog chats.

I can tell you without any question that one of my daughter’s list toppers this year is going to be our puppy, Carerra, who became a family member back in April. Read More

How Far She's Come...

O-say it isn’t so!

On Friday, November 20, 2009, Oprah announced that after 25 years on air, she has decided to end the Oprah show in 2011. While I understand the reasons behind her decision, I was still sad to read about it. Oprah has been quoted as saying “Twenty-five years feels right in my bones and feels right in my Spirit.”

Oprah has been so influential in so many ways and in so many lives. I remember how super excited I was when she dedicated so much of her energy to Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. Taking readers through A New Earth online, chapter by chapter, truly was a gift to those who participated.  She was able to reach so many viewers who had questions about the book, so many who were wanting to understand how they too could create better lives – not just for themselves, but for the greater good.

Her never ending desire to promote literacy and open dialogue through her book club was also life changing. Oprah’s book club made reading cool again.

Her desire to bring the power of emotional balance through thought, positive thinking, and prayer to mainstream audiences around the globe is unsurpassed. Oprah has been willing to speak about her own inner demons and the path she took to slay them. The courage she has displayed on television is something to be commended.

Oprah has become such a part of so many of our lives.

Oprah paved the way for many to be able to recognize when they needed to seek expert advice. She made it okay to ask for help outside of one’s circle of family and friends. She explained how seeking expert advice is nothing to be ashamed of. She has helped to remove much of the guilt that can be associated with reaching out for help.

Oprah herself has sought expert advice and has aired entire shows about it. Now the idea of seeking expert advice is a mainstream one – so much so that many of the experts Oprah has had on her show now have shows of their own.

There was recently an Oprah episode about the secret lives of moms. One of the things discussed was that as mom, you need to be happy. Oprah said, “Modeling for your children the woman that you ultimately want to be is the most important thing.”

Oprah also said, “Moms have to be willing to ask for support.”

Asking for help does not mean that you are not a good mom. There is an illusion that everyone else – all the other moms – are out there doing it all by themselves, which is why so many moms do not ask for help. Turns out, asking for help is not shameful.

During this same episode, Oprah and her guests talked about all things mom – ranging from dealing with runny noses to making a diaper out of a maxi pad. I laughed so hard I almost cried, because I too have had to improvise and craft a diaper for my daughter for night wear. Read More

With the holidays fast approaching, I am reminded of holiday gatherings in years past – taking my place on the family tree. There have been many times in my life when family gatherings have been anything but blissful. In fact, during some of those times, I would have rather been ANYWHERE else than where I was!

A clip like the one above really says it all – I especially love the line: ‘Parents have a way of making their children regress.‘  Sometimes it seems to be so true!

So during this holiday time, if you find yourself wanting to throw yourself on the floor, kicking and screaming, know that you are not alone.

Also, know that it is quite common for parents to view their adult children as still needing their unsolicited advice and opinion. I’m sure you’ll agree with me that the holiday time can be very stressful.

The trick is for you to remember:

• You are in control of your emotions.
• Realize what your triggers are.
• Acknowledge them and know that you can survive through the day.

If things seem to be getting beyond your control, change the situation. Get out and get some fresh air, toss the football around with the kids, take a brisk walk – do anything to change the surroundings. You can also begin to shift your perception before you even get to the event. Be grateful that you have friends and family to celebrate the season with. There are many adult children who wish their parents were still around to celebrate with.

Know that your parents love you very much, and they can’t always help doing the things that they do.

And, if pitching a fit will make you feel better, I say go ALL IN! Flop yourself down on the floor, kick, scream and pound your fists on the ground – really get into it! Just thinking about doing that with a house full of holiday visitors makes me giggle.

Imagine the looks on their faces as you are just flipping out with the holiday music playing in the background – simply priceless.

If you’re ready to learn how to start transforming every family experience into a blissful one – whether it be gathering for Thanksgiving turkey or simply getting the kids out the door on the way to school, I invite you to listen in to this free recording – The Magnetism of the Awakening Parent. You can also e-mail me any time to ask your questions: Cyndi (at) blissfullytransformchaoticfamily.com. I look forward to connecting with you – and wish you happy holidays!